OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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