Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
