I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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