this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
