I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
