New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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