Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
