Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
