Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
