he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
