So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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