I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
