Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
