Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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