It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
