Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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