you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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