so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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