you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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