Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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