dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize