it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
