Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
