My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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