Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
