i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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