she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
