I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
