What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
