I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
