I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
