i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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