hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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