Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then he tried to convert me to islam
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
