I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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