I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
