my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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