i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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