I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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