***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
