Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
