So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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