gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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