On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
