dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
