you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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