I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
