put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
