I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
