soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
