I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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