I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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