also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
