I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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