i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
