tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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