the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
