we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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