I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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