i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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