I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
