I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
