I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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