Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
