Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
