this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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