Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
