ugly people sure do ruin things
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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