its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
