Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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