but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
