my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
